Lessons

Explain to me.

Explain to me loss.

Explain to me pain.

Explain to me heartache.

Teach me what to do when my head and heart are caught in my throat striking me dumb.  What to do when I touch, but can’t feel.  When I weep, but can’t cry.  Teach me how to deal with the leftovers of disappointment. 

I want to move on, but how can I when can’t get up from this floor?  They say the proof of real strength lies in the ability to get up again, but I can’t feel my feet and my body and soul are too battered to support. 

Take away the loneliness.  Take away the regret.  Take away the ARRGGH-WRINGING-TWISTING-SEARING-I-CAN’T-BREATHE-I-CAN’T-LIVE-I-CAN’T-BE … 

Help me learn.

Help me learn that loss is not defeat.

Help me learn that pain is not terminal.

Help me learn that heartache is not death.

Compensated

I don’t have the best job in the world, but who cares when every morning this is the view that greets me from my office window?

 Glorious!

Wasting Time Effectively

Was absolutely uninspired to work today.  Things turned around when I invested about an hour of company time watching an early copy of this.

B.R.I.L.L.I.A.N.T

Definitely worth spending $25 on it when the DVD is released in October.

Finding Meaning in Mediocrity

So, Mo Ibrahim. 

Remember him? 

He’s the Sudanese mdosi who is offering five million American moolahs to “a former head of state or government from sub-Saharan Africa who has left office in the last three years and has demonstrated exemplary leadership.”  The lucky bastard will also get $200,000 every year from Mo, just for good measure. 

Don’t panic, my post isn’t about Mo or his bizarre prize.  Some guy (who I seem to be quoting with more frequency than I should) blogged about Mo last year and I have no business challenging the musings of a ‘political refugee.’ 

This post is about Uganda’s fairly bleak performance Mo’s Index of African Governance that measures performance on Safety and Security; Rule of Law, Transparency, and Corruption; Participation and Human Rights; Sustainable Economic Opportunity; and Human Development.  

The index, released yesterday, placed Uganda in 25^th position in a list of 48 African countries.  The government’s scores in four of the five sectors hover at about 50 percent, only breaking through to 71 percent in providing safety and security for the population.  A little ironic considering the Ugandan army is abusing human rights in the Karamoja region, cattle rustling in the northeast continues and the Lord’s Resistance Army has just recently agreed to a ceasefire. 

Uganda’s performance seems quite good until you consider the positions of other countries in the East African Community. Tanzania was in 14^th place, Kenya came next at number 15 and Rwanda followed three places down at number 18.  The region was only let down by Burundi, which trailed in the 40^th position.  But we all know about Burundi, so we forgive her, no? 

I had a long altercation with my workmates over Uganda’s performance on the Mo Index of African Governance.  The loud arguments ranged from the method of ranking and level research undertaken to claims of neo-colonialism and marginalization.  The fight only ended when someone asked if our salaries had arrived in the bank, making us turn our wrath from each other and on our long-suffering accountant. 

I’m all talked out, so let me just say this.

Uganda’s average position is just another confirmation for me of its average citizenship, its average government and its average development.  Many Ugandans are not ones to ruffle feathers unnecessarily or to work harder than their peers.  Ambition is largely frowned up and excellence often goes unrewarded. 

Been to a public office at ten minutes to five in the evening?  Don’t expect to get special treatment … if you are lucky to find anyone in the office that is.  Ask your Member of Parliament to account for the Constituency Development Fund?  Expect to be satisfied by an evasive answer and the lack of receipts.  Want a salary raise or a job promotion?  Fly under the radar and don’t go gabbing on about your ‘dreams.’  Caned by Mondo Mugisha and his gang of goons during a public demonstration? Nurse your wounds in the quiet of your home, silencing any calls for retribution. 

Cram and don’t bother to study if you want to pass your exams.  Encourage the growth of the economy by buying stolen spare parts.  Tolerate substandard work.  Learn to live with mediocrity.  If you’re not dead, you are okay.

What is most depressing for me, is that Uganda won’t even have the opportunity to shine when Mo hands out his Prize for Achievement in African Leadership next month.  You see, President Yoweri Museveni only manages to rise above mundane when it comes to holding onto his chair. And we Ugandans shrug our shoulders, accept our fate and continue our humdrum existence. 

Waiting with Bated Breath

Yay! 

UBHH tomorrow!  UBHH tomorrow!  UBHH tomorrow! 

(Editorial correction ;-) The above sentence should read UBHH tomorrow-but-one, etc, etc) 

I have so much to do before the rendezvous with the blogren at Mateos.  What to do … where to start … 

• Must buy a corset to save self from pain of constantly sucking in stupid expanding midriff

• Must visit Best Friend for tips on make up to give self Nicole Kidman cheek bones, Kerry Washington lips and Tyra Banks eyes

• Must buy comb to organize mop on head to look slightly presentable

• Must trim nails to remove the makakya from last night’s matooke preparation and squeeze in a pedicure to scrub off the enkyakya

• Must watch neighbor’s cat more closely since have been told to walk like that animal is to walk sexy

• Must Google AC Top 10 to sound modern, but sophisticated.  Must remember to copy New York Times bestseller list on hand to randomly shout out impressive titles if need arises

• Must learn where Darfur is, why Japanese Prime Minister resigned, if Nakapiripirit is in Uganda and whether Borat is really from Kazakhstan

• Must cram chapter one of “Dummies Guide to Opening Mouth” and must remember to pick up “Dummies Guide to Opening Mouth and Speaking” in preparation for October’s UBHH

• Must learn how to have An Opinion and Take A Position on things that self doesn’t care about

• Must call more attractive, clever look-alike cousin to be on standby to impersonate self, if self is overcome with fear

 Must go for UBHH … maybe.

Nitulinda Kyogamu

So, you already know these guys are ready.  No surprises there.   

 

They are so ready, that they are planting grass at the end of the rainy season, installing CCTV systems that are already being vandalized and painting this public toilet between Sure House and KPC Building on Kampala Road. 

For some reason though, they neglected to pay attention to this ugly, dilapidated building just opposite the toilet on the same busy Kampala road. 

What, the Public Procurement and Disposal of Public Assets Authority couldn’t pay anyone to paint their main warehouse and paint the gate?  Were they too busy chasing after the fake IDP seeds scandal that they failed to see the rot under their own noses?  Somebody help! 

Help is what Makerere University CHOGM stumpers needed when they were designing this horrible announcement.

Can’t wait to see the thousands of university students take to the streets tomorrow in support of CHOGM. Can imagine most will turn up for the free T-shirts and ‘logistics’.  You really have to bribe Ugandans to do anything, don’t you? 

After 18 years on The Hill, my parents are retiring.  I will miss seeing this treeboard, which has suffered being poked, nailed, posted and even pissed upon by ingenious university students. 

It was a good life.

Methinks …

…

something fishy is going on here.

On Digory and the Devil’s Literature

Oh glory!  My 10-year-old brother is getting married. 

Well, yes, but no, not really.  Digory turned 26 on Monday, but it doesn’t matter what his birth certificate and weight say about him.  He’s still a kid in my head. 

Yesterday had a meeting to prepare for his kwanjula.  It was very well attended and quite successful.  People were willing to empty their pockets and offer their donkeys for the child.  By the time we were done, we had everything we needed to get him a wife from Maganjo. 

Everything went well until the conversation turned to me. 

“So, Tumwijuke, when are you inviting us to organize your wedding?” 

“That guy you were dating last year, I didn’t see him in the meeting. You mean you failed to hold on to yet another man?” 

“You’re like what, a decade older than Digory?  Wow, this must be hard on you, no?” 

“Tumwijuke, don’t wait too long.  It’s true that wisdom comes with age, but children don’t.” 

“Mbu you’ve adopted, Philly Bongole’s “Alone and Frightened” as your theme tune.” 

Usually, I would have taken the snide comments in stride.  After all, it wasn’t the first time I was hearing them.  A year ago, Paulo (my other brother who is 29 going on 45) also decided to get hitched. But this time, it was different. 

You see, ever month I gorge myself on The Devil’s Literature.  I spend a ridiculous amount of money on glossy magazines to read about Ten Trends You Must Wear Before You Die; about How to Eat All You Want and Stay Thin; about Giving Oral Sex in Less than Three Minutes. 

This month, it seems all the glossies were dedicated to youth – or the irony of it. They all boasting about how 40 is the new 20 and how you can still look as fabulous as Vanessa Williams when you are her age.  There are numerous articles about being sexy during menopause and learning to date younger men. 

I enjoyed reading about how Diane Keaton and Hellen Miren are among the top five sexiest women in the world.  And that Candice Bergen gets hotter as she gets older.  The magazines contained great pieces about how to glory in aging and how to maintain a youthful spirit. 

But all that was spoilt by numerous anti-aging, anti-wrinkle, anti-spoting, anti-life ads. 

How am I supposed to maintain a balanced decent existence with so much contradiction being fed to me?  What am I supposed to be exactly – Gloriously Older or Preternaturally Preserved? 

It doesn’t help that one of the girls I went to college with is looking absolutely fabulous on the cover of Kenya’s True Love this month. As much as I want to hate her and bitch about the shoes she wore in college, I must admit that Esther Mbondo looks divine!  

Chichi (as we used to call her for some really obscure reason) is beautiful and confident.  She has just won back-to-back awards for her work, has a beautiful child and a progressive husband.  And she doesn’t look a day past 21. 

Oh well.  I figure I can’t have it all.  I can’t be witty and pretty at the same time.  

The really clever are never really stunning.

African ‘Reality’ Reviewed

A review on Millionaires Mission, the preposterous new reality TV show on poverty in Uganda that I blogged about yesterday, is available from The Times. 

The Daily Telegraph says of some of the issues raised by the program –

“In the end, all these arguments – however interesting – weren’t enough to banish the sense of tackiness.  Instead they remained curiously abstract.  Because of the reality format, we’re getting to know the entrepreneurs a bit.  The Ugandans, though, are little more than a combination of backdrop and plot device.”

Understanding

.

I don’t like Thursdays.  They don’t have the expectation of a Monday, the mid-week boost of a Wednesday or the triumph of a Friday.  Thursdays are flat-don’t-get-out-of-bed-gray days.

.

But this Thursday is different.  How else do you explain odd palm tree.  The light  The peace.