Just the other day I was moaning about cows grazing on the dual carriage road in front of the place where I work. Today, it was a small herd of goats.
What’s next? Sheep? Ducks?
Mine is not a city; it’s a kraal!
May 6, 2009
Invasion of the Ogas
The Nigerian film industry has overtaken Hollywood and closed the gap on India, the global leader in the number of movies produced each year, according to a new United Nations Educational, Scientific and Cultural Organization (UNESCO) report.
According to the UNESCO Institute for Statistics survey, Bollywood – as the Mumbai-based film industry is known – produced 1,091 feature-length films in 2006. In comparison, Nigeria’s moviemakers, commonly known as Nollywood, came out with 872 productions – all in video format – while the United States produced 485 major films.
The three cinema heavyweights were followed by eight countries that produced more than 100 films: Japan (417), China (330), France (203), Germany (174), Spain (150), Italy (116), South Korea (110) and the United Kingdom (104).
You know what this means, don’t you? We’re set for a lifetime of horrible films with titles like “Love Secret,” “Secret Love” and “A Loving Secret.” Also, look for the next release of “Abominable Threat,” “Dangerous Threat,” “Super Threat” and “Denied Threat.”
In case you missed The Rise and Fall of Ernest, parts 2 and 3 will be out everywhere soon, as will Most Wanted part 23 and The First First Real First Daughter.
There’s an email that’s been making the circles for a while. It says everything I want to say about Nollywood.
10 Things Nollywood has taught us:
- Every problem you have is spiritual.
- Where there’s romance, someone must die.
- It’s possible to hit a person without actually touching them.
- Poisoned food always tastes better.
- One of a pair of twins (whether identical or not) is born evil.
- There is never an end to your suffering, except through death.
- With a pastor … all things are possible.
- A movie has not started if at least one actress has not twisted her lips and rolled her eyeballs.
- Girls are best wooed if you feed them from your plate, if you take them to a beach where you ride a donkey and pinch their cheeks playfully and if you buy them new clothes.
- When you are shot in the chest, it really doesn’t matter; your head will be bandaged.
